After investigating, everything the mind has to offer, I had to face it I was miserable, frustrated. If it's true that every path lead to Rome, I can now by my own experience say that every path of the mind lead to misery.
This intense suffering, lead me to my first real moment of self-honesty. Everything that I have done in my life was worthless. I was still a slaved in a completely fucked system and I was as fucked than the system that I was living in since I was keep playing the same game. I was seeing everyone around me keep playing the game of character, and I myself was keep playing some character because of fear of being judge/criticized/rejected. How fucked is that ?
We all know that scene of the matrix where Neo always had the feeling that everything was fucked in the world he was living in. Everyone around him was nothing more than living program in a completely fucked system. The worst part is that even if he was aware that everything was fucked, he still have to play the game to survive. He still need to go to his job, earn a living, be a hacker in the evening. Live in constant fear that he could be catch.
One day, A guy came in contact with him and offer him the famous choice. The red pill or the blue pills.
The blue pill : You go back in your fucked world and stay fucked for the rest of your life.
The red pill : You learn the truth about the fact that the matrix is just an illusion generated by their mind, but you also realize that the "real world" is a hard pill to swallow. A world dominated by machine who use human to generate energy to survive.
I found that this was a great metaphor of the choice I had to make in that moment of realize that I was participating in world that was completely fucked. In my case the choice was looking like this.
The blue pill : Denial ( Stay a slave of my mind for the rest of my life)
The red pill: Self honesty ( Start applying self-forgiveness and deconstruct the layer of my mind that I have build over-time)
Like in The Matrix, the red pill was far from being a nice picture. When I choice to keep my eye open and take an honest look of what we as human being was creating huge amount of abuse to us, each other, the animal kingdom, the eco-system, the planet and within me. How could I have stay in a state of delusion for so long.
The most hard thing for me to see was not to realize what was going on, it was to realize that most people have no intention to do anything about it, because they was in denial like I was.
It was far from being the light/love picture.
There's an interesting scene in the matrix where one of the character chose to forget everything and being reintegrated in the Matrix and forget everything as he is eating a juicy steak. He chose the pleasure of the mind instead of facing the reality and contribute to the liberation of his species.
Will I make the same mistake? No I won't. I have seen where the path of the mind is leading, I don't want to go back there. It's time for me to face the reality of the miserable world we have collectively created by living in our mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a Self-Loser and not realize that I can not withdraw myself from the system. Therefore the only way that is remaining to me is to contribute to change it for a system that is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become A Self-Illusioner and try to fit in a system that suck the life out of every living thing on this planet
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a Self-Delusionner and walk a path of self betterment without realizing that creating the illusion that I was becoming a better person was in fact increasing my feeling of separation, therefore cutting myself from life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a self justifier and think that I was deserving more than other human being because of mental self-justification that was based on illusion not reality.
I commit myself to start walking my path in self honesty and start removing all the accumulated layer of my mind, by being self-honest and using self-forgiveness.
I commit to walk a path of self-perfection towards equality, and give the concept of self bettermen
I commit myself to stop the character within me, that prevent me from contributing in a world that is best for all.
I commit myself to honnor and value life.
I commit myself to give up faith and hope and take absolute responsibility for my individual experience and the role I play in the collective.
No comments:
Post a Comment