Day 86: Redefining the words power/empower

For context, I become aware that I have this reoccurring pattern when I find myself reacting with overwhelming rage when I was in situation where some restrictions was impose on me. By having a discussion with someone that support me within that point I realize that the main emotion that I was experiencing in that moment was feeling powerless. I notice that with the COVID situation and seeing the world falling apart around me, it intensify that feeling within me, because I develop a sense of emergency. I know within myself that I can be a part of the solution, so when another person is imposing me something where I will be restricted in either the area of time of money, I have within me this rage towards them a part of me want to blame them instead of taking responsibility for how I am reacting to the situation. 

So let's start by looking at the definition of the word POWERLESS

1. devoid of strength or resources
2.lacking the authority or capacity to act

3. without ability, influence, or power.

4. unable to produce an effect:

5. lacking power to act; helpless

 So by looking at the various definition, I can see why that feeling of overwhelming rage was emerging whitin me when I was in a situation where I felt powerless. I felt in a way that I didn't really have the ability/strenght/capacity/influence/power to do something about that particular situation. Therefore, instead of focusing only on trying to remove those external limitations, I should bring all of this back to my self and see how I can live those words as my expression, because at the end, there's always some limitation in this world. So my focus should be on removing the limitation within my programming, so I can become more effective within the external limitations of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless when I am in a situation where I am restricted in my finance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless when my time is restricted by some events

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the feeling of being powerless into an intense rage 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility and blame external people/events/circumstance instead of looking within myself to find out why I feel powerless  within those situation 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into blame instead of taking the right action in the physical to get myself out of the situation where I am restricted 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there's always some limitations in the current system

When I see myself feeling powerless, I stop and breath. I realize that it's a waste of time to blame people/circumstance and let that evolve into rage instead of taking responsibility for what's going on within myself . I realize that my emotional reaction prevent me from taking the right action in the physical and work on practical solutions. Therefore, next time, I will feel powerless, I commit myself to stop, look at what I can DO in the moment, and take the best action that I can take within the limitation of the situation. 

Now let's look at the word power and see how I can live this word that I feel I am missing. 

1. the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality

2. the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events

3. ability to act or produce an effect

4. ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.

Now I can clearly see why I felt powerless in certain situation. I was focusing on what I didn't felt I have the ability to do something about it and one of the main point that I notice was that when I felt powerless, I was going into that state of paralysis, therefore I wasn't taking the action that I needed to take in the moment to get myself out of that situation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there's nothing that I can do 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see POWER as something bad and associate this word with Dictatorship, Tyranny, Control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that having power is having the ability to do something about the situation I am in 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living the word power as my expression

When I see myself feeling powerless, I stop and breath. I realize that I was holding myself back from living the word POWER as my expression because I didn't really understand why power really mean and I had a negative emotional charge attach to that word. I realize that having power is in fact a really good thing specially in the current system that we live in where problematic situation are happening every single day. Therefore having the power to do something about it is quite cool, Thus I commit myself to live the word POWER as my expression as the ability to do what's the best thing to do in every moment by considering every variable that I can currently conceive within my current limitation. 

Now let's take a look at the word EMPOWER 

1. to give power or authority to; authorize, especially by legal or official means
2. to enable or permit:

3. give (someone) the authority or power to do something.

4. make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.


So now the key point is to see how I can empower myself, which come down to giving myself the power/AUTHORity to do something about my situation. This is a decision I can make in every moment that I feel powerless instead of going into blame/anger/frustration/rage and stay trapped in my mind/story/drama.