Day 88: Honesty is deception, Self-Honesty is the key

 I recently walked the lesson on Self-Honesty in my SRA2 and I was surprise to realize that honesty was a part of the deception of the mind. The interesting thing is that once you're aware of that, you can't really go back. I start to see within myself the deception when I was honest with someone else, but not fully self-honest within myself. 

I also my find myself being honest with other people in a way where I was selling them on me being fully honest and transparent, and in most of the case, people would be in agreement with me because of the way I present information to them, but in reality, my ego remain intact. 

So I learned a lot from this and realize that being honest is not enough. I must use honesty as a door to self-honesty. I must be self-aware in those moment, to really investigate what's going on within myself behind the thought/emotions/Feelings that I am sharing with another person. Obviously, the mind have a tendency to suppress quickly those things, so instead of pretending that I am dealing with them on my mind, I must sit down, write about those things, do my self-forgiveness, do my self-corrective statement and go out there and live the change. I can also share those writing with someone else so they can cross reference if I am really correcting myself or if I am using my writing to reinforce my ego. 

I knew since a while that Self-Honesty in the key to REAL change, the key to self-REALization, the key to life, they key to here, the key to break free from my mind. It's only recently that I started to realize what real self-honesty is all about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that being honest was the same than being self-honest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the deception in honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that everything I am honest, it open me the door to look deeper and be Self-Honest

When and as I see myself being honest with someone, I stop and breath

When and as I see myself being afraid to look at what's being the honesty, I stop and breath

I realize that I have confuse Self-Honesty with Honesty for a long time and that has hold be back in my process, because I give myself the illusion that I was moving forwards with certain point which I was honest about with other people, without really being fully honest with myself about what was really going on. 

Thus, I commit myself to, when I am honest with another person, not stop there and truly investigate what's going on within myself and do some writing so I can find out what's really going on, where does that ''truth'' that I am sharing as ''thought/emotion/feeling/'' is actually coming from and walk a process of self-correction on the underlying points.