Day 85 : Alcohol, Chistmas, New year and fighting the mind demon

Around mid October, I have make the decision that I would stop drinking alcohol for 3 months. When I was on a trip in Texas, I was chatting with someone that is very advanced in her Desteni process and walk herself the point of stopping alcohol. I didn't had a hard time to stop drinking during those 3 months because I was focus on multiple project and moving forward with my business. When I shared with her my process of stopping for 3 months, she suggest to me to stop for an entire years. When she suggest that to me, the addiction programming really kicked in and I had massive amount of resistance. The backchat immediately start to come up. '' 1 years, are you crazy, I don't want to stop one year, Christmas is coming, I cannot not drink at Christmas! I love drinking, I don't want to give it up for so long, I want to be able to drink a cup of wine if I go on a date, fuck this, I don't want to give up drinking a refreshing cold IPA during the next summer etc. 

When she look at how I react, she say that it was now clear to her that it must be the point that I must give up in order for me to unlock all the other points that I am suppressing. When I was looking myself with self honesty, I was able to see that she was right. I could clearly saw how this addiction was holding me back in many area of my life. In 2020 I have push myself beyond my limitation. I have push through my preprogramming to some extent, and when I step out of my preprogramming in some case I will experience massive resistance. When I have successfully walked through it, I did experience permanent change to some extend, but what I realize is that in some case, instead of pushing through that resistance, I used alcohol to try to get a release from my mind. So instead of facing the point, I was pushing on the reset every single time and therefore failed to change the programming. 

So in self-honesty, I knew I changed a lot, but how much more could I change if I would fully walk through that resistance instead of using alcohol to release myself from it. The thing is that the issue was way deeper than I thought 

After she saw my reaction, she suggest me to read 2 blogs from creation journey to life.  
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/01/day-284-alcohol-drugs-and-demon.html
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/01/day-285-alcohol-drugs-and-demon.html

In those blogs, Bernard explain that during our entire life we create what he call a ''suppressed personality''. That suppressed personality is like an entity/mind demon made of suppressed energy. When we drink alcohol it activated that entity. We are virtually possessed by that mind demon. 

That was painful for me to read and I REALLY resist those blog. Here's why. It's only when I was drinking that I was fully feeling ''myself''. What I was thinking to be myself was just an energetic entity made of suppressed energy. What a shock for me to realize that I never really experience myself as who I really am. As I start to observe other people around me getting drunk, I realized that I was not alone in this. People become virtually possessed when they are drunk. I can see a complete shift in their behavior that's no different at all than the kind of possession that we can see in the movie. 

In completely honesty even knowing all of that, I still didn't want to stop. The mind kicked in again, the backchat, the emotional reaction, the physical reaction etc. But who the fuck is talking? me or a fucking mind demon made of suppressed energy ? 

It's then become quite obvious that having an entity within myself made of suppressed energy wasn't my optimal situation. The other thing that become obvious was that I couldn't deal with that if I would keep drinking because otherwise I would just keep repeat the same cycle. 

Anyway, mid December came and I complete my 3 months challenge, but I didn't celebrate by getting drunk. I didn't really notice, because I was focus on project, but them Christmas came. 

Now for me spending Christmas with my family was a massive trigger generator. They had wine during the dinner, some of the best beers during the evening, some of the finest liquor. 

People offering me drink and beer, I had to decline over and over again even if my body was fucking craving it. I could smell the aroma of the IPA from their glasses. That trigger various memories within myself. Just to pain the picture, I cannot go and barricade myself in a room and do self-forgiveness, it's Christmas, so I stay there with them and I fight against my own mind demon. Then at some point, I get a bit bored. I know that drinking alcohol would allow me to relax and have fun, but I make the decision that I would not drink. I ended up getting over being bored. At some point we play some board game and I had a great time. That physical activity allow myself to get out of my mind. The interesting thing is when it's getting late and I see everyone totally drunk, I don't have any desire to be like them anymore. They process things very slowly, they can barely have a conversation, they are very emotional for stupid stuff etc. I can now see the mind demons in other people. And for the first time in that evening, I feel quite good about myself for not getting drunk. 

The day after, while everyone was hangover, I was alert and I was working on some project that I am passionate about. Stuff that actually matter. 

I had to walk through that experience 4 times during Christmas and the New years party. I wish I could tell it was easier and easier. It wasn't. The alcohol programming is so engrained within me that the same pattern repeat itself every single party. Because I started DIPpro, I could understand clearly the connection between the triggers and how it was manifesting in my conscious/subconscious/unconscious mind. 

Now I have the tool so I can work through it. Since this is a big point for me, I will need to dig deeper. Because not drinking is surface stuff, I need to use the tools to expose all that stuff that I have suppressed within myself over the last 30 years. 

Now let's do a bit of SF 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that alcohol was allowing to be myself when in fact was I thought was myself was in fact a mind demon made of suppressed energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist quitting alcohol 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my life would miss something without alcohol 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up alcohol 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate excitement with alcohol 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my life would be boring without alcohol 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use alcohol to get a release from my mind without realizing that I was just in fact postponing the problem by doing a mind-reset 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use alcohol to avoid discomfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use  alcohol to feel alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how much alcohol fuck with my physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink to generate mental energy instead of focusing on creating real value in this world 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the consequence of alcohol on the physical body 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in order to sort out that suppressed energy within myself, I must stop drinking long enough so I can really face those point

When I find myself craving alcohol, I stop and breath